You won't die from embarrassment *though you may want to*
A few years after finishing my nuclear engineering Ph.D., I was working a coveted job at a major research and development institution and feeling comfortable. Before landing this job, I’d spent the last decade as a student second guessing myself as a doctoral student researcher while hectically fueling with Red Bull and Chinese food to support grueling hours to finish my dissertation. After five years at Argonne National Laboratory, I’d grown a professional network, I was doing work that I liked, could afford to eat out and live alone. I felt like I had it made and could tick off the years to retirement with a “good government job” as my mom would say. But I knew I had the potential to do more. I wanted to put together teams, lead projects, make decisions and solve bigger problems than my current position allowed. So, I took a blind leap of faith in order to grow.
This was no ordinary career move— though I’ve never shied from a challenge, this move was very disruptive. The new job at the Department of Energy offered a huge amount of opportunity to grow professionally but it came with a pay cut, it was in a different time zone and to make things even more challenging, I was a 7-month pregnant newlywed. From day one in my new position, I decided that if I was going to make such a bold move in my career, I was going to go B-I-G and change my perspective on how to lead, learn, and collaborate with others. So, after doing some extensive research (because I am a researcher and literature review comforts me), I decided to embrace every career, self-help trope/Solange album title I could find. I was going to lean in, negotiate everything from a “power pose”, “go for it”, during a “year of yes” while taking a “seat at the table.”
This new career mindset was awkward— and took a lot of getting used to. Before, when I participated in meetings, I’d find myself deferring to others, sitting in the back of the room or not speaking up for fear of being wrong. In this new position, at every group meeting, I made sure I literally *sat *at *the *table. Five months after I gave birth to my first child, responsibilities were being redistributed in my work unit and before I found myself in a "normal" routine, I advocated to take on a higher profile portfolio. Less than two years later while being 5 months pregnant with my second child, I interviewed for a high pressure, chief executive-facing work assignment and got it! And at every performance review, I made sure to discuss opportunities for advancement including temporary assignments, raises, and promotions.
I must admit there were many rough and bumpy times including instances of me crying over spilled milk (breastmilk), putting my foot in my mouth and the time I literally went into labor at work. But, ultimately, I excelled and flourished moving into roles of greater responsibility. I was even recognized with an Exceptional Service Award from my work unit and an Appreciation Award from our chief executive. After a while, I got used to sitting at the table. Most importantly, I developed my own self-help mantras that serve me well to this day including:
being wrong is an integral part of learning,
my insight and opinion matters,
you can NOT die from embarrassment, and
there is always room for course correction.
And when the time came, I didn’t hesitate to leap again this time with my eyes wide open. So here I am, finding myself in a new role with a previous employer (hello Argonne!), challenging my career path again and finding new ways to continue to grow and learn.